Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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