Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
