is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
