How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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