Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
