She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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