and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
