Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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