I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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