I accidentally had phone sex last night
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
