Say something about gay babies.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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