I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
