I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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