Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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