1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize