There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
