You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
