When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
