So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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