After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
