How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
