she told me i tasted like america
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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