I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
