Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
