omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
