I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize