Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
