he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
