Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
