She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
