I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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