so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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