It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
