Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize