I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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