Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
