Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
