My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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