Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
