honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
