Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
