My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
