you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
