Whod you bang
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
