Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
