some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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