At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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