I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
