You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
