Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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