OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
