She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize