Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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