After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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