I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
