Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
