i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize