My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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