escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
