he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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