I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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