Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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