I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
