I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
