the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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