All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
