If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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