thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize