i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
