I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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