Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You are a genius and a whore.
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