Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
