hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
