I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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