Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize