I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
