i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
