ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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