I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
