I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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