She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
