I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
