i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
