If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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