i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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