the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
