I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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