ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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