Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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