Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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