saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
