I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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