The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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