summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
