I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
