ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
