I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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