he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
