real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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